Sick of Being Sick

For the past week and a bit, I have been unbelievably sick so I haven't been able to do some things that I would usually do. This has restricted me in both a positive and negative way and below I have complied a few small activities/events which have been effected into a Pro or Con column.

Pro's about being sick;

1. More attention (I know its hard to believe thats possible, but it is)
2. Sleeping in
3. Missing school, this is also a Con

Con's about being sick;

1. Being sick
2. Not being allowed to go to friends places
3. Not being allowed to go to parties
4. Not being allowed to go out of my way to go to friends places/parties (think about it, and if you have, and still think 'WTF?' its all good)
5. Taking anti-biotics - don't do drugs
6. Missing school work,

The list goes on but as you can see, it is more negatively skewed than it is positively. All is well now though, I have come out of hibernation and will be attending the awesome stuff that I previously did once again.

All the best, me

20% More Awesome...

OK, so I was on myspace the other day and I see this guys profile;
'#8 Jake, now with 20% more awesome'

At the time this didn't really concern me, because in the back of my mind, I was thinking that he was at -20% awesome to begin with, henceforth upgrading to a sub-maximal of 0% awesome, he had nothing on me... However, I went to school and told some friends about this, as optimistic as they are they managed to shock me by saying 'Hey Taz, just a thought, but what if he was at say - 80% awesome instead of the estimated -20%? That would mean he is 100% awesome.' What was I suppose to do!! A valid point had been made about the percentile of this Jake's awesomeness. Something had to be done. As soon as I got home from school I signed into myspace.com and changed my profile name to;
'Taz, now 100% more awesome than Jake.'
Win? yeah...Win. What could he do then, he had nothing. With my problem solved I realise that I'll always be 100% more awesome steps in-front of Jake so even if, for some reason - he did manage to top 100% with his extra 20% more awesome bonus, I'd be sitting at 200% awesome, which to say is a little bit less than normal, but to quote AJ after he got his new "hair cut" - Variety is the spice of life.

PS. Jake if you are reading this, I want to let you know that being in my blog does mean that you are awesome, thanks for letting me have something really lame to talk about.

Awesome Award

Throughout the year people will have the chance to be recognized for something awesome they have done. The awesome award will give character and a sense of achievement like no other. People deserve to be put on a pedestal and admired every once in a while and with the awesome award going to a certain individual every week, underprivileged people will be given a chance to stand out from the crowd.

This weeks awesome award goes to...

Hamish and Jolly - For being awesome.

And Cam - For also being awesome.

You guys rock, can't wait to see ya back at skewl.

The Bro Code

Back in the year 1776, Philadelphia, Benjamin Franklin and George Washington were having a drink and arguing over how George cock-blocked Benjamin during a recent celebration. 'There is no rule against it!' George argued.
'Well there should be!' replied Benjamin. 'There should be a set of rules that govern the way bros can act among other bros.'
'But who shall write such a document? I have to go to DC and pose for the dollar bill.' replied George.
'And I have to do some kite flying or something...' As both Washington and Franklin were left with no hope of ever producing this document, a marvelous man stood up and said.
'I shall write this set of rules.'
'It is resolved, Barnabas Stinson shall write - the Bro Code.'

The Bro Code is a living document - manifest in its 89 amendments - and as such is not yet publicly available in an unabridged volume. The original document is housed in a non-disclosed location, two stories beneath sea level in a vacuum-sealed bulletproof chamber.



Certain Articles contain the following amendments:

1. Bro's before ho's.

3. Bro's cannot make eye contact during a "devil's three-way" (two dudes).

5. Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK.

17. It’s alright to cheat at any game where money isn’t involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as “games.”

20. When out with Bros, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she’s dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that’s the case, make it quick.

26. A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.

34. A Bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that said Bro does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.

53. A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection.

62. In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.

68. If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardising his own records, the missing of work, or temporary immigration to a foreign country.

89. A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro.

Top 10 Similarities Between Women And Fish

1. Both are attracted to shiny objects.

2. More fun to catch while drinking.

3. Neither travel well, so best just to leave them.

4. They can't go anywhere without their group.

5. Easier to catch the weak ones (like going for two 4s instead of an 8).

6. They get pissy if you grab their tail.

7. Both wild and farm raised have their benefits.

8. Easier to reel in if you let them wear themselves out first.

9. The harder they shake their tail, the farther they'll go in life.

10. They will suck up anything you drop infront of their mouths (High five!)

Say What?

Goon-o-biff
noun
informal VINO, the grape; literary vintage.
A wine alternative that is consumed for a good purpose.
1 the student consumed some Goon-o-biff to numb the pain GOON, wine, alcoholic beverage, fermented grape liquid
2 thank you sir for your purchase of Goon-o-biff The natural chemical balance of grapes is such that they can ferment without the addition of sugars, acids, enzymes or other nutrients.

Due to recent events and certain factors, I have officially decided to stop drinking Goon-o-biff (see above). The main reason for this is that consuming a more respectable beverage will taste a lot better with only a slight increase in cost. It is also scientifically proven that an increase in goon consumption leads to a decrease in 'getting with the ladies'.

A Perspicuous Night Out

With Gauci's arrival back from Europe, I finally decided to pay him a visit. I got to his place and we caught up for a bit. Let me skip the boring stuff - we fast forward here... The general crew now consisted of myself, Will, Ingie and Harriet. As much fun as we were having at the time 'shaving half of Gauci's head', Harriet decided to call up two of her girl friends and asked them if they wanted to do some stuff. They did.

We ended up driving to their place (thanks Max) and picking them up. The total sum of awesome cramped into one car made it a bit squishy, but I didn't mind - Will likes his front seat, Max likes to drive and Fudge... He likes to pimp out in the back with three girls (high five!). On the way back to Harriet's where we would complete shaving Will's head, I began to notice something, the jokes I were making amused these girls. It was about here that I realised that this night would be pretty awesome.

Many things happened after we got back to Harriet's - we drove a lot, people still laughed at my lame jokes, we helped a passed out/drunken youth right outside Wash-mans house, drove some more, went to some cool places, chilled at Will's for a while, had some form of group orgy, then dropped the girls off back home at 6:30am. To sum it all up, I met some cool new girls - Em and Sav, and overall had a awesome perspicuous night out.

More to come, later

Life Goes On...

The first week back from holidays has been fairly tough on the big F. Waking up at unholy hours of the morning, working, and getting my lunch money stolen by school bullies. However, today was a low moment for the Fudge as on several occasions I was publicly humiliated for my goon consumption abilities.

It started off in Chem this morning...the regular group consisting of Jolly, Cam, Alistair and myself. We were doing some experiment on oxidizing alcohols when I looked over at the materials bench and... It was like something in the movies, a guy sees a girl from across a bar and realizes shes 'the one', however replace 'girl' with 'goon' and 'the one' to... nar thats right. I was now in the presence of the most awesome batch of elixir known to mankind, and I had to apply non-taste relating experiments on it (the worst part was when we had to pour it down the sink *sob*). Anyway, back to the story - the four of us end up getting into a conversation about goon and it relating back to me.

Then I said something along the lines of 'Hey did you guys know that I downed about 5 casks during the holiday?' You may think 'whats wrong with saying that', well here's what was wrong about it. Not only did my four classmates hear it, the whole class did, even our chem teacher Mr. Parsons. It was all fairly embarrassing to a certain extent as everyone proceeded to judge me as a goonoholic.


So my day got off to a rocky start, but in double studies last lesson, things escalated further. The class was relatively quiet as I threw out an old assignment into the bin from across the class and heard Julian say 'you should play Drive with an arm like that'. Some people laughed, most people didn't. The fact was, the attention was now fully directed at me as I attempted to get back to my seat I was bombarded by Pan's question of 'Hey Fudge, I heard you had 5 casks of goon during the holidays.' What was a man to do to escape another embarrassing ordeal but reply with 'No you did'. Unlike Julian's mediocre joke, I had most of the class in an uproar of laughter and questions kept rolling in one by one about my goon drinking abilities. At the time it was a bit humiliating but I look back at that experience and I realised two things... I'm awesome.

Wingman

With Taro moving onto becoming pro, Hahn style (solo) my attention towards a new wingman has been redirected at Senor Lamberto Sombrero Rodriguez (Washels). Now I know what your all thinking 'How come I'm not Taz's new wingman?', well the answer is simple - hes way awesome. Plus he has many beneficial factors that help me out such as availability, popularity (sorry Sauer) and hes pretty much the middle man when goss goes around, so I'll be constantly updated with all info on gaths/parties. My role as Wash-mans wingman is to broaden his horizons and get his confidence interval above that 95% level if you know what I mean. Thank you to all who applied or requested that you become the new vice president of awesome, however most of you were unsatisfactory and your rankings showed that you weren't up for the job, the majority of you scored the rank of assistant-under-secretary-of-only-OK. Thanks for your support, it will get me through these first few weeks with my new wingman - he has much to learn...

The Crazy-Hot Scale

The problem is certain women’s increase in physical attractiveness has been disproportional to their increase in psychosis. Luckily for us, a chart exists where we can see just how out of balance the ratio between your hotness and craziness has become - knowledge that can prove to be invaluable over the course of your daily life. This chart is commonly known as 'The Crazy-Hot Scale'. For a woman to be crazy, she must be equally hot or exceed in her level of physical attractiveness

Never can you be with a woman that slumbers into the Kendall Field for too long, the unbalanced ratio of Crazy-Hot is too majestic even for a man of my prestige and awesomeness to endure. Until next time,

Fudgeicle

The Date-Time Continuum

This theory helps prevent men from falling into the trap of making plans in the far future whilst in a relationship with a girl. The general theorem goes - Never make plans with a girl further in the future than the amount of time you've been going out.

Below is and example of the Date-Time Continuum:

As seen above, the plans made into the future does not surpass the duration of the relationship. This theory is proven to work on 86% of males and will help to stabilize your relationship (if that is your intended goal, high five)